The Stages of Grieving The Loss Of A Relationship
We often think of grief as something that occurs after a death or the sudden loss of a loved one. But, grief can happen after any kind of loss, or even a change in your life. You might experience it after losing a job, changing homes, or even when a relationship ends.
As with any other type of grief, there are stages to go through as you work through the loss of your relationship. There is no ideal timeline, and you shouldn’t feel forced or pressured to “get over” your breakup quickly.
But, it’s important to work through the stages of grief, even at your own pace, to make forward progress and eventually heal from your loss.
Let’s take a closer look at the stages of grieving the loss of a relationship, and what you might experience through each one.
Denial
Maybe you were blindsided by the end of your relationship. Or, even if you saw it coming, you might be having a hard time letting go. So often, people start to change their identities when they’re in serious relationships. You see yourself as part of a team, and you might feel uncertain or even scared about having to rediscover who you are on your own. That can lead to feelings of denial, keeping you from moving forward.
Anger
It’s perfectly normal to be angry with your former partner. Or, maybe you’re angry with yourself for letting things go the wrong way. While anger can be a healthy emotion attendant to the grieving process, it’s also important to pay attention to your behaviors while you’re angry.
Try not to make any quick decisions or “lash out” at others just because you’re feeling angry. Instead, look for healthy outlets to work through your anger. That can include anything from exercising to meditation.
Bargaining
If you’re really struggling with grief, you might be tempted to reach out to your ex. Maybe you’ll want to convince them to give your relationship another chance. Or, maybe you’ll want to promise them that things will be different.
Every relationship is unique. Some people do break up and get back together. But, again, it’s important to make sure grief isn’t dictating your behavior. More often than not, it’s better to look to the future and try to establish a clean slate.
Depression
When you start to truly realize that your relationship is over and you’re tired of feeling angry or even hopeful, you can fall into a depression. Depression can come with guilt and shame, or feelings of hopelessness and helplessness.
Depression can also make you withdraw from people who care about you and the things you enjoy. Unfortunately, that’s likely to make you feel even worse. Isolating yourself as you grieve the loss of your relationship makes it difficult to keep working through the stages. Depression comes with a variety of symptoms, from changes to your eating habits to difficulty sleeping.
Finding effective strategies to deal with your depression, like leaning on your support system, can make a big difference.
Acceptance
Take comfort in knowing that as long as you keep working through the stages of grief, you’ll eventually reach acceptance. Again, there’s no perfect timeline, so don’t allow anyone to pressure you into working through your grief before you’re ready.
Additionally, don’t assume you have to go through the stages of grieving on your own. While family and friends can help, it might benefit you to work with a therapist like me. Therapy can help you better understand your feelings, so you can process them in healthy, effective ways, so reach out and we can talk.
There’s no denying that the loss of a relationship is difficult and it’s absolutely something to be grieved. But, by understanding the stages of grief and finding the right kind of support, you can enjoy stepping into the next chapter of your life with a positive perspective.